Every now and then I like to stop and reflect. Like a stocktake but without the sale and people queueing up for 70% off white goods. So some questions to ponder? How am I going? What’s working? What’s not? And… what do I like about myself?
Oooohhh such loaded questions (as I wrote that my mind immediately went off on a tangent about TGI Fridays loaded potato skins) . Okay, I’m back!
So can I be honest with myself? Right now as I sit in the kitchen listening to Quincy Jones with my book open on my lap I AM HAPPY!
Now that I have established that I am happy I should think that now would be an ideal time to make a brief list of things that I like about myself.
– my feet
– my eyes
– my laugh
– my ability to diffuse situations with dance
– my ear lobes
– my brain
– my taste buds
I’ll stop there before I completely fall in love with myself (not that it would be a bad thing but not sure that I’m ready for a long term commitment).
So having looked at the pros and cons of being me today I am leaning towards keeping on doing what I’m doing. It seems to be working.
I’ve had this question that’s been preying on my mind for sometime (Hi Sting).
How long IS a piece of string?
With the question rattling around in my brain with the answer seeming far too obvious…
Why don’t you just measure it?
Which got me thinking is there anything left that can’t be measured? How fast was that car going? How hot is it in here? How much sweat does an athlete lose during a game (I didn’t ask that one but someone else knows the answer).
So where has all the mystery gone? Have we worked everything out? Do we know all the answers and if so why am I still asking questions?
My 4 year old son said today that he loves me 20. He didn’t specify 20 what’s? Just 20. I can’t argue with his logic (I’ve tried in the past and failed miserably). But I know it’s a lot because he still struggles to remember all the teen numbers so declaring his love at 20 means it’s big.
The best thing about being loved 20 is that it’s not a definable amount. So are our innermost thoughts and feelings one of the few things left in life that is unquantifiable?
We hear phrases like “I love you to the moon and back” or “I love you more than life itself”. We know that this means a lot but which one is more? Does it matter? Or is measuring the depth of our love, friendships, relationships, family and friends that mythical and magical ball of string?
I have a handful of friends that I would categorise as “so… anyway friends”. That probably sounds as though it’s a derogatory term but in fact it’s the highest compliment that I can give. Let me explain what makes a “so… anyway friend” so truly awesome and appreciated.
It’s been 6 days, weeks, months, years since we last spoke and the first words that I speak once my friend answers the phone are “so… anyway” and continue straight on with a previous conversation that we have had or one that I think that we have had in my head and the friend “gets me” enough to know where I am coming from.
These friends are worth their weight in gold.. or good quality coffee!
Like all good things in life these friends are rare and to be treasured and perhaps even used (not in a bad way) sparingly or otherwise intensely in short bursts. Sometimes it can feel quite confronting to see just how well a friend “gets you” and understands your many quirks/violent mood swings.
I think if I were on the edge of building about to jump and one of my “so… anyway” friends called me I would calmly sit down and have a lovely conversation. These friends are there when it seems like nobody else is. They are the friends who return your calls, usually remember your birthday and ALWAYS comment on your pimples… in a nice way.
I think there has to be a limit to the members of this exclusive club and I would say that my club probably only has 3 or 4 members that I would do anything for, think the world of and think that I am the bees knees too.
So… anyway, that’s all I have to say about that.
Let me start by saying that in no way am I implying that I am married to Mr Grumpy Pants. You know how some people (weird ones) write letters addressed to Mr and Mrs (husbands first and last name). Well anyway it’s just me! I am grumpy! I am a whinging old cow who can feel myself being awful to others and yet finding myself powerless to stop it.
So here’s the question… Can you only be nice for so long? Well for me the answer is categorically yes! I get to the stage where being around people full stop just does my head in. My pet hates include pretty much any noise my husband makes, ill mannered children and people who repeat themselves constantly.
I hate knowing that I am stuck (up to my arm pits) in a rut and not being able to snap out of it. I annoy myself and then that annoys me even more.
I did at one stage in life carry the title Miss Happy Pants so where did it all go so wrong? When did the Winter of my discontent turn into the decade of the icey hearted maiden?
So well maybe I’ve always had a dark side, a slightly sinister snide side? Maybe my love of sarcasm took a wrong turn and I forgot to laugh at the end of my joke? Why am I suddenly thinking about John Farnham? This has nothing to do with him although Two Strong Hearts has always annoyed me and kind of rubbed me the wrong way.
This is probably where I should finish with something witty but I cant be… bothered. But instead I leave you with a warning… Yes I know my moods don’t make sense but unfortunately I don’t care. Deal with it or get out of my way, please!
So I’ve had 2 love at first sight occurrences in my lifetime and both were before I turned 18 and therefore my memories and I can’t be tried in an adult court.
I don’t know if its easier to fall in love so blindly when you’re younger because of your age and naievete or because you just want to be in love. So now that I’m all grown up and married I have been reflecting on those 2 loves and how for all their wonderment and bliss they just could never be the ONE. Is that what made them so attractive? Knowing that I would never want to live with them or be around them and their baffling insecurities and annoying habits forever?
Remember the line in the song “what is love? Baby don’t hurt me?” yeah well doesn’t that just sum it all up? Or what about “I want you to want me? I need you to need me?”
So we grow up in life and in love and find (hopefully, eventually) a person who doesn’t always complete us, but complements and sometimes compliments us?
But what is love but a paper cup full of dreams eh? Now where the hell did that thought come from? Nowhere healthy that’s for sure. But I’ll give you this one for free, I am learning about being happy and content and knowing when I am on a good thing to just shut up and enjoy the ride. It’s a privilege and pleasure to be loved and something to cherish. So less whinging about the loads of washing and the poor stacking of dishwashers and more loving love back with a flourish and a cheeky grin!