Well the good news is that the nominations for the worst worded title are in and I’m the favourite but let me tell you what I’m really trying to say.
I’m talking about who I am when I am around different people.
Take friend A for example who I went out with recently and had a great time eating BBQ and meeting new people and getting lost and feeling totally free and out of my comfort zone.
Then there is friend B whom I adore but we tend to do the same thing and have our own little routine and it’s lovely because I don’t have to get dressed up or think too hard about shoes but it’s not new.
I just had a thought that maybe friend A thinks that going out with me is like hanging with friend B. No comfort zone issues for her. Oh goodness me.
I love my different friends and how I get to be around them but I sometimes question which one is the real me? Is there a real me?
Surely the real me is the me I am with my partner at home right? Well maybe? Maybe I’m still being the me I was when we first met? I wasn’t a wife or a mother then. I had a different job. I was different. I am different now.
They say the secret to a long relationship isn’t to stay in love with the same person but to keep falling in love with them.
But back to me. Okay well that hasn’t changed. It’s still all about me. How many versions of me are there? Which one do I like the best? Or is it having different friendship groups that allows us to explore who we are without upsetting the apple cart of self? (Yes I did just say that).
I guess that as you get older you hopefully start to like spending time on your own and learning who you are.
Anyway what I’m really wondering is if there is a real me? And how do I know her when I see her? Or am I myself when I’m at my happiest?
Maybe? I used to be a lot louder and outgoing (sometimes just plain silly) and people who haven’t seen me for a while might still expect that from me. I can do that. I can be loud and in your face and I can have fun being that way but it’s tiring.
So anyway I’m sorry if I’ve changed and you don’t like it. I’m sorry if you haven’t changed and I don’t like you anymore.
And anyway maybe that’s what makes good friends so incredible.
The ability to like someone enough to evolve with them and love them for who they are… whoever that might be!