Hello! It’s me. The over thinker (and by extension over sharerer) here.
I was asked recently if I was happy and having thought about it for a while I’m not really sure.
I looked up the definition of the word.
1. Feeling or showing pleasure or contentment.
2. Having a sense of confidence in or satisfaction with (a person, an arrangement or situation).
So um yeah. I guess that I am happy most of the time but for some reason the word happy in my head conjures up the image of a child laughing on a swing.
Not weird. Okay. Maybe a bit.
So why do I think I’m not happy? I’m not sure. Possibly I’m not LOLing enough. Hmmmpphhh. Or maybe I am waiting for someone to tell me that I’m happy.
Is there a Minister for happiness who will let me know? Hey you. Yeah. Quick. You’re happy right now. Enjoy.
I had a lot of happy moments today. A perfect Bircher muesli. Multiple good coffees. Snakes and Ladders with the kids. Ice Cream and DVD with my husband.
Lots of good moments that I enjoyed. Where I felt happy. With people who make me happy. With people that keep me happy.
A little part of me is scared that if I rely on others to provide my happiness then I’m not really in control. I like being in control. Not in a freaky way (see what I did there).
So sometimes I feel the need to be away from the people who make me happy to see if I can do it on my own. So I go to the gallery. Read my book in a cafe. Go for long walks while listening to my iPod and questioning how well my shuffle really understands me.
And now to finish (because let’s face it this whole tirade is beginning to feel disjointed and nonsensical) I want to tell myself to shut up. To stop worrying about my emotions and feelings and just feel them. To live the life of an emoticon. To just be… Or not be and not ask so many questions.