So it’s that time of year again. Or is it that time of years?
Plenty of people will be partaking in some bubbly tonight. Seeing in the New Year with fizz and bubbles tickling their taste buds and noses.
I will see in the New Year in my own bubble. I’ve been stuck (albeit pleasantly) in my own bubble floating around for the past month or so.
I am breathing deeper.
Things are a little fuzzy in a nice way. I know that I’m feeling happier but not quite sure if I trust it or how long it will last.
There are still big things that I would like to change but can’t. I’m mostly okay with that and am trying to enjoy while enduring the things that I just have to live with.
I’ve had a few days lately where I’ve just sat for extended periods of time in the company of friends. I know that I’m relaxed and comfortable but not sure that I’m expressing it right.
I went to a party for the first time in years. I wanted to be around people. Not just my people but other people’s people too. I was in good form. I snuggled up with a baby and transformed my ample bosom into a place of rest.
I have no idea how long this bubble will last. I don’t know if it’s the new me, the old me or the medication. Possibly a combination of all three.
But for now it’s all good.
No really, it is.
Today it seemed that everything I did at work was wrong.
I made too much mess.
I cleaned up too much.
I laminated using a different power point thinking I was clever for not being in the way. But I got glared at.
I stayed too long. I left too early.
I called someone and they didn’t answer so I left a message and incurred much wrath because the person never answers.
But I had a good day today.
For the first time in weeks I danced in the car. I smiled at strangers. I thought happy thoughts.
All the annoying and irritating things washed over me like when you duck under a wave and come up on the other side.
Maybe I sniffed too much glue or maybe it was the Sharpie pen?
Maybe it’s the new medication.
But maybe it was me. Being happy. In spite of the negativity and scowling of some I had a good day.
It concluded with a movie with a gorgeous friend and a drive home alone singing all kinds of new and glorious harmonies that the world isn’t ready for yet but that I keep rehearsing for when it is.
I feel calm and happy today. I want to buy myself a big bunch of roses and smile at them. I want to bake cookies tomorrow and sit in front of the oven and watch them browning up with a book and a cup of coffee. I want morning to come so I can eat my porridge and feel all healthy and superior to people who don’t have time for breakfast.
In summary, today was good and I’m looking forward to tomorrow.
Some thoughts that I would like to share with you *free of charge,
*Please note that you should probably check your roaming and data allowances before actually believing that these thoughts are free of charge… but I digress. Hey don’t I always? And now back to those pesky thoughts that I seem so intent on sharing,
A brief list of things you should compare:
-Health Insurance (there’s a website for that)
-Home loan rates
-Features when buying a new car
-Rashes (but only with people you really don’t like)
– Birthday cards in news agents
– The size of your boobs with those of other women in their swim suits
– Your kids achievements against those of their peers (you should compare loudly if your kid is better than theirs)
Things you shouldn’t compare:
– Your life with people who have more or less children than you
– Your life with people who work more or less than you
– Your life with people whose partners travel more or less than yours
You get the picture.
Just because you have four kids and I have two and you’re coping and I’m not doesn’t mean anything.
Just because I work 3 days and you work 5 and you’re coping and I’m not doesn’t mean that I’m weak.
And just because your partner travels for 6 months at a time and mine travels for 6 days and you’re coping and I’m not doesn’t mean I’m not doing my best.
So note to me. Stop comparing. If I’m not coping and you are it doesn’t mean anything other than that.
My life is not your life (and vice versa obviously).
We are all doing our best. Well I am anyway. Your best may be better than mine but I’m not judging either of us today.