Dancing with gorillas…

“Life isn’t about waiting for the storm to pass, it’s about learning to dance in the rain.” -Vivian Greene.

Yes. Why not? How lovely for people to share this quote without thinking it through.

I’ve had pneumonia once and every winter when I cough I think it’s come back again so um no, I don’t think dancing in the rain is best medical practice.

Are you naked dancing in the rain? Because that would be awkward and probably unflattering and possibly illegal.

Are you wearing clothes and a rain jacket? Because I was wearing my rain jacket in the pouring rain on Sunday morning but I was accidentally wearing it inside out and then because it was wet I had to keep wearing it inside out so that can be troublesome and awkward as well.

Do you have an umbrella? Because they can be dangerous too and there was that one time in Denmark when friends of my parents came to visit me and it was raining and I accidentally lent them a children’s umbrella and this very large man walked around the nations capital with a small umbrella barely covering his head and shoulders.

Gumboots? Wellies? Galoshes? Whatever you want to call them I am in favour of them and the wonderful confidence you get jumping in puddles except for that one time when I accidentally jumped in a puddle that went up to my knees and filled my gumboots very quickly. They also usually have a slippery sole and therefore dancing could be quite dangerous especially on shiny tiled surfaces.

I could go on. (In fact I already have quite a bit.)

So yeah I understand the sentiment behind the saying and how we need to look for the good in the moment and that bit in The Notebook when Rachel McAdams and Ryan Gosling get caught in the rain and have a lovely old time but I just want to remind you to be careful. Careful not anxious.

Dance in the rain but be prepared that it too can have consequences.

I came across another quote on twitter recently so it can not accurately be attributed to anyone but it says that “Success is like fighting a gorilla. You don’t stop when you’re tired, you stop when the gorilla is tired”.

I like this one. It makes sense. It’s relevant to all sorts of battles, situations and life events.

Not that you should ever put yourself in the position to be fighting a gorilla in the first place obviously but yeah, you get the drift.

Having said all that though given the choice I would choose dancing in the rain over fighting a gorilla any day of the week. I’d just have a long hot bath and a milo afterwards.

This is not a food blog…

Would it be strange for me to blog about my newfound love of porridge?

Should I do it anyway?

12 months ago I didn’t like porridge at all. And let me be that clear I didn’t like it sooooo much that I’d never even tried it.

I thought it was gluggy and flavorless. I got this impression though from seeing it dished up from a massive pot at camps.

But now I love porridge. I love the 90 second version cooked in the microwave (I only cook it for 88 seconds because I like to put my own signature spin on dishes) but I really love the stove top variety.

I make it myself. It adds an extra 10 minutes to my morning routine and as someone who prides herself on being able to get ready quickly that’s quite a sacrifice.

But I think that one of the things I like the best is that you can’t rush eating it.

It’s not like a diet shake or bar that you can eat in the car on the way to work or even a cereal that you can make at work or gulp down at the sink.

The porridge is hot. It requires patience and time. A luxury I don’t usually have.

I make my porridge with oats, water, cinnamon and a pinch of salt.

I also cook a banana in brown sugar dissolved in water.

Sometimes I toast coconut for crunch or add bran.

And I always have a coffee or two.

On the days that I don’t need to go to work early I might take my porridge back to bed with a book and quietly contemplate my day.

I didn’t like porridge a year ago and now I do. But only an idiot would pay $12 for it in a cafe.

Happiness (not the Pharrell version)…

Here is a list of some of songs that I discovered that the preschool kids at work don’t like me singing…

– My heart will go on
– Working 9-5
– Piña Colada song

I mean yes, they were right. My singing was appalling. My song choice even more so.

It was a good day though. I had 21 kids in class today. We had birthday cake. And by we I mean that the soon to be 5 year old fed me cake in the awkward style of cheesy wedding cake photos.

I lay down on the snack mat outside today and performed from my very limited repertoire to my captive (captured) audience.

We had a talk about friendships and read a story about how sometimes you have to ask people if you can play with them. I need to remember that.

The children all started to turn feral and were unable to sit still half an hour before the end of class so I put some reggae music on and we danced a conga line around the class.

Which them turned into a freestyle dance session. Which was hilarious with all the parents laughing outside the window.

Lots of little happy moments today plus my own 2 kids telling me that they loved me with only limited Lego bribing involved mean that today was a really good day.

Happiness was never really that far away. I just had to go find it.

Kan du tale Dansk?

So now for something slightly off topic. Topic? There was a topic? Well no there wasn’t but anyway…

15 years ago I lived in Denmark for 6 months.

I got a job as an au-pair and lived with a family in a house that was over 200 years old. I lived on the 3rd floor. My little attic room was so small that a standard bed couldn’t fit in. I slept curled in a ball. I still do.

It was such a strange time in my life. I was away from my family for the first time in a country half a world away. I think I found a part of myself over there. (Possibly the part of me that would use language like “found myself” and the part of me that should be mocked.)

I had no friends and didn’t speak the language. I had a great time but I was also very lonely. But often in a good way.

I got used to going to cafés on my own with a book and my discman. I went to movies on my own. I went to a concert on my own once and sat against the wall feeling self conscious of my aloneness but enjoying the music too.

My alone time now is coordinated around work and school drop offs etc.

When I lived in Denmark I would often catch the ferry over to Sweden for a coffee. Catching public transport on your own is normal and acceptable.

It’s okay to be going somewhere on your own. It’s a little weirder to be somewhere on your own when others aren’t.

But I’m weird. I value my alone. I just need to be more productive with it and enjoy it more.

And share it with others.

Grey sky simplicity…

It’s 2:30 in the afternoon and I’m in bed with a hot cuppa and my book.

I’m watching and listening to the rain pour down outside. I love how it comes in bursts.

It tapers off for a minute or so then comes pouring down again.

There are raindrops hanging from the gutters, shimmering on the overhead wires running to the house and sitting on top of the leaves.

It’s all so shiny.

I’m tempted to go the car and take my new spotted umbrella for a spin.

Dance in the rain.

Get wet.

Then have a hot shower to warm up and another cuppa before getting back into bed.

There are so many choices.

The washing on the line is now wetter than when I hung it out.

That’s not important.

I’m important. Enjoying the little moments are important.

Smiling like an idiot when no one is watching just because I’m happy.

Snuggling further under the covers.

Marzipan chocolate in the top drawer.

A grey sky with sunshine.

x

Directionally challenged…

I got a little lost today and kept going.

I couldn’t find my way without help. I pulled over on the side of the road at least 3 times and consulted the GPS.

At one stage it told me to take a right down Stupid Street. I may have misheard it but it felt personal.

I wondered as I drove lost down leafy streets occasionally sighting the bay (before I roamed into an industrial area) if Forest Gump would have run for as long as he did if he’d known about little Forest.

Is it easier to get lost for longer without responsibilities or is it the responsibilities that make me feel lost?

(Did I just ask the same question 2 ways? Hmmm.)

If I was single and childless where would I be?

If I was free to choose what would I do?

I have this image of myself teaching children in a disadvantaged country and knowing that I am making a difference.

I have this thought that I could be more and do more.

I have married a man who loves me and am raising 2 unique and entertaining boys.

I have made plenty of good choices.

I am probably not as lost as I think I am but my sense of direction still needs work.

Maybe I just need to stop following the little blue dot on the map and settle with the red dot.

I might not be lost after all. I might just be growing up.

Vertigo girl…

All of these ups and downs make for one dizzy girl.

I can’t hear you from here. Or maybe I can and I’m blocking you out. I want to be around you. I want to see you. But the thought of you makes me tired.

And by you I mean anyone that I have to lie to. Anyone that I can’t just say I’m feeling crap and want to sleep all the time.

In many ways I feel heaps better that I have in ages but I doubt it and I doubt me.

I hate lying to my friends but I don’t want to worry anyone and I don’t want to be the drama queen.

Is it like this for everyone? This depression thing? I feel like most of the time I’m a functioning depressive.

I can work, shop, cook, wash and do the school runs. Just.

But then I rest. And by rest I mean crawl into my cave and hide.

It seems like all I ever do here is whinge. I apologise for that. It’s hard to share how I’m feeling without sounding like a moper.

So here are some of my highlights from the past week:

– Cuddling my gorgeous nieces and other beautiful bubbas as they do that whole snuggle and giggle thing.
– Eating cake.
– Sitting and talking to a friend in a crowded room and the look on her face as she realised I was having trouble concentrating. So much kindness and love.
– An espresso and the newspaper and ten minutes of peace.
– Half price Dairy Milk chocolates.
Need I say more?

So I’m up and down and all the things in the middle but I’m feeling it all and that’s good right. x