Vertigo girl…

All of these ups and downs make for one dizzy girl.

I can’t hear you from here. Or maybe I can and I’m blocking you out. I want to be around you. I want to see you. But the thought of you makes me tired.

And by you I mean anyone that I have to lie to. Anyone that I can’t just say I’m feeling crap and want to sleep all the time.

In many ways I feel heaps better that I have in ages but I doubt it and I doubt me.

I hate lying to my friends but I don’t want to worry anyone and I don’t want to be the drama queen.

Is it like this for everyone? This depression thing? I feel like most of the time I’m a functioning depressive.

I can work, shop, cook, wash and do the school runs. Just.

But then I rest. And by rest I mean crawl into my cave and hide.

It seems like all I ever do here is whinge. I apologise for that. It’s hard to share how I’m feeling without sounding like a moper.

So here are some of my highlights from the past week:

– Cuddling my gorgeous nieces and other beautiful bubbas as they do that whole snuggle and giggle thing.
– Eating cake.
– Sitting and talking to a friend in a crowded room and the look on her face as she realised I was having trouble concentrating. So much kindness and love.
– An espresso and the newspaper and ten minutes of peace.
– Half price Dairy Milk chocolates.
Need I say more?

So I’m up and down and all the things in the middle but I’m feeling it all and that’s good right. x

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