No baby.

18 months ago(ish) I embarked on the path to being an egg donor.

I donated twice to the same couple and a total of 8 beautiful embryos were created. 3 in the first cycle and 5 in the second.

All 8 embryos were delicately placed into their new mums tum over the course of those 18 months.

The 4th one stayed in for about 7 weeks. The others didn’t stick at all. And now they are all gone.

This of course is a very sad thing but the thing that made me saddest was the mum texting me and apologising for putting me through all this for nothing.

IVF is a risk. A very expensive risk. A path that I am so blessed to have undertaken AFTER conceiving 2 healthy boys naturally.

People say to her “relax and it will happen”. I hope it does.

They say “take Chinese herbs and see an acupuncturist”. She did.

She was scared not to try something that someone mentions in case that is the ONE thing that was stopping it working.

But the result is the same.

I don’t regret donating either time. I don’t regret the needles and the bloating and the small procedure for egg collection.

I did all that I could do. I helped someone who needed help. I couldn’t do anymore.

I didn’t get to help make a baby but I did make a beautiful friend. Someone who I care about a lot and who I will support on the next chapter of her baby making journey.

All I can say to this friend though is that it all sucks. The whole thing. She doesn’t need any more advice.

So my advice is for you. The next time you speak to someone who is trying for a baby tell them that it sucks how it’s easy for some and not others but that you’re interested in following them on their journey if they want to share.