What the world needs now… (is probably not another list)

It’s time again for me to solve the problems of the world.

I like to do this on a semi regular basis as a massive favour to the rest of you.

I’m good like that.

So here’s my advice.

-Look for the good. It’s probably there. Somewhere. If you can’t find it you might be too close to it and need someone not involved and a little further back than you to see it for you.

-Don’t fake it til you make it. It’s not worth the effort. It’s not worth the burn out at the other end. If you’re not coping find one friend who’ll listen and not judge and tell them. Let them worry about you for a bit. Be loved even if you can’t love back. These things go in cycles, you’ll get your turn to do some loving.

-If one of your friends has gone quiet for a while find out why. Or just say hi. A lot. Until they say it back. Then start again.

-Tell your kids why you love them, not just that you do. Ask them why they love you. Ask your young children what love is. Ask them how they know. Ask them how big it is and why it’s so important. Smile on the inside and the outside when they answer because you make them feel that way.

-Some of the best conversations during my day happen with people I don’t know. Show a genuine interest in the people you meet. You never know when your 5 minute chat with someone might be the only chance they have to talk to someone during the day.

-Don’t put yourself in someone else’s shoes. Don’t walk a mile in their shoes. This is theft and should not be encouraged also you might get a fungal foot problem. Just saying.

-If you stop thinking about all the things you want you may be surprised by the little that you actually need. Go without for a while. Make do. Mend. Fix. Repair. Borrow. Share. But as mentioned previously don’t steal.

-Don’t judge. Or try not to judge. Or try not to consciously judge. And try not to pass your judgements onto others.

Is that enough? Are we all better now? I hope I don’t sound too self righteous.

The above messages are meant to be reminders to the me that might forget these things in the future from the me right now that understands the importance of compassion, kindness and patience.

(Sorry! It’s sometimes unavoidable to end with a badly worded sentence however hard you try to fix it.)

Glad to be me…

It’s raining today.

I’ve made my breakfast and I’m back in bed.

My boys are debating the best way to kill zombies. I don’t understand them. They make me laugh.

Another good week for me makes me realise how lucky I am.

I’m ready to hear the good things now. I’m ready to go out again. I’m ready to be your friend if you still want me. I’m ready to laugh.

I’M READY TO CREATIVE DANCE.

(You’ve been warned!)

Mental health is a strange thing. It goes up and down less like a yoyo and more like the pirate ship ride at Sea World.

It can make you feel ill and find you with your hands on your knees after the ride trying not to vomit.

The sun is hiding today but I don’t need it. I’m shining on the inside.

Oh goodness me (or insert something stronger there if you wish) I sound preachy and syrupy today. Pollyanna would be proud.

I’m going to find the things that make me glad today and look for rainbows and hug the trees and then I’m going to have a double espresso and slap myself across the face with a fish and wait for the real sarcastic grumpy me to come back.

I’ve missed her.

A good week…

-Fresh air.

-Big skies.

-Autumn leaves falling in time to the music on my iPod as I walk through the gardens.

-Double espressos.

-Chocolate cupcakes with chocolate cream cheese frosting.

-Finding my favourite DVD and watching it on my own in bed in my pjs.

-Love in all shapes and sizes.

-Awful days at work followed by the best day ever.

-Smiling so much that your cheeks hurt.

-All the washing done, folded and put away.

So many joys and accomplishments this week. So many reasons to be happy.

I’ve had a breakthrough week. I want to be well and happy and me again.

I cuddled up in bed with my 4 year old at the start of the week. He was playing a game on the iPhone. I was reading a book. And he knew how much I loved him. Somehow he knew. And I knew too.

Sometimes I find parenting so hard. Trying to placate the grumpy after school/preschool child without turning into an overly compliant slave.

Dinner, baths and bed on my own while my husband does online training in the spare room.

Fostering independence in my little men without allowing them to destroy the house.

Finding peace in the noise and strength in the things that I know I’m doing right.

Yep. A good week*.

*Except for that moment today when I accidentally said totes in a real life conversation with an adult.

Three little words…

Last year I taught a beautiful little 4 year old girl who was partially deaf.

Her mother too is partially deaf. It turns out that it’s a heriditary auditory processing problem and had nothing to do with the lady who gave her mother the evil eye when she was pregnant. (But that’s a whole other story about mummy guilt.)

Her mum comes and talks to me about her daughter and how she’s going at school this year as I teach her younger daughter this year.

At the start of last year this little girl couldn’t speak. By the end of the year she was saying single words.

This year she started attending a school for the deaf where she learns to sign and speak in a small class with lots of support.

She can finally communicate properly with her family.

She loves all things pink and princessey and playing on the iPad.

And earlier this week for the first time she grabbed her mums face with both hands, turned her mums head and said loudly and clearly into her ear “I love you”.

Now imagine her mother telling me this. She held my face and said it in my ear. With tears streaming down her face. Her words spoken in her own hearing impaired way.

She hugged me hard. She said “it’s the first time she told me”. She was so proud and so excited and thrilled.

I didn’t understand everything that she said and I couldn’t possibly understand how she felt but I cried along with her. A huge grin on my face.

Happy Mother’s Day.

Here comes the sun…

There are certain spots in my house that catch the sun on its way down.

Sometimes it lands half way up the wall in the hallway as it comes through my boys open window.

Maybe I’ll find it sitting on the top of the couch in the lounge room surrounded by cat.

And at about 4pm it settles briefly on the end of my bed and I move my pillow to the other end of the bed and revel in it.

It doesn’t cost anything. This little moment of warmth and joy and life.

It just seeks me out and makes me feel whole for a little while.

My headspace is not clear at the moment. It’s not really up for having visitors.

The parking is terrible and the service is shocking.

I myself am avoiding it like the plague.

I feel like something is wrong and I don’t know what it is. I’m in a constant state of befuddlement.

Hopefully it passes soon and I’ll be able to relate to myself again.

But for now I’m stuck at the end of my bed imbibing some sun.