Middle ground…

I just cried for the first time in about 8 months.

And by cried I mean bawled my poor little eyes out in a movie. There may have been some sobbing involved and a very hasty exit from the cinema before the lights came up.

This was the first real cry I’ve had since I started taking antidepressants.

And no. Let’s try not to make this yet another post about how hard it is to be me.

Because the meds are working. When my husband asks me if I’m better I say sometimes. Sometimes I’m better and I’m loving everything and I’m in control but sometimes not.

The medications help me to stay calm though. Help me cope. Help me say no to people when they ask me things that I don’t need to say yes to.

They stop the bad internal dialogue that kept telling me that it would be better if I died.

What a load of crap that silly little voice spouts. Who needs it anyway?

Most of this head stuff seems so fake to me. We all struggle. We all find ourselves looking at the ceiling wondering where it all went wrong or where it could have gone more righter.

But the meds are working for me. They help me listen to music again. And light candles just to enjoy the flickering aroma.

I don’t think they take away the highs I think they just help me to cope.

But the crying felt good tonight. It was nice to have wet cheeks and let my eyes overflow with emotion and empathy.

Nice to feel the feelings.


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