Duck Season…

So you know the metaphor or analogy or parable or whatever the correct word is about the duck gliding above the water while it’s little legs are unseen below the murky waters kicking furiously?

You do? Good. Then there is a slight chance then that this post will make sense to you.

We have a pool at our house. We also have a pair of ducks that visit occasionally in Winter for a swim.

And the beauty of this is that because the water is clear I get to see their little webbed feet doing a fast dance under the surface.

There is the accelerating, turning and stopping by moving backwards in a way that if I tried would be a disaster.

But here I am now. Cruising through life like a duck. Obviously I’m no expert in ducks or duckisms.

But I am trying so damn hard to float serenely on top of the surface while underneath it’s like I am paddling in the wrong direction at warp speed with a cramp, a possible ACL injury and a smile plastered on my duckface.

Everywhere I look at the moment there is something else to do.

Forms for school, funding applications for work, husbands travel details, meals to prepare, washing to sort, dishes to put away, quality time to spend with the children, time for self, guilt to deal with about needing time for self etc.

It was about this time last year that I fell head first into the deep dark hole.

I’m carefully side stepping that hole at the moment but it’s there. It’s in my peripheral vision reminding me that it can all go to crap again very quickly.

So in the words of the lovely Dory I’m going to “Just keep swimming”.

The earth is flat…

I am picturing lots of flat things. Like pancakes, soft tacos and tents that haven’t got the poles in them yet.

An uninflated inflatable mattress.

The grass after you move the trampoline off it.

A lake with no wind. (Or boats or ducks or things that make it have waves.)

A TV screen post the flat screen revolution.

My breasts before puberty.

My mood right now.

I’m having some wonderful days. I saw Les Miserables (insert appropriate accent) and it was wonderful.

I bought a coffee and a board game from an Op Shop with one of my favourite humans while our boys used nunchucks and broke boards at a Karate demonstration.

I got caught in the rain with my 7 year old on the way home from school and we laughed.

But I’m just a bit flat at the moment.

Lots of lovely things are happening and I’m enjoying them but I’ve got a busy month coming up and I can’t keep up with my to do list.

There’s nothing at all wrong with me I’m just a bit flat.

Maybe it’s a seasonal thing.

Maybe it’s just a ridiculously busy time of year work wise and my husband is traveling.

Or maybe I just need more coffee.

Not about that bass…

So here’s the thing. Right now I am not all about that bass.

Right now I’m all about not bailing on the things that I’m invited to do and not actively stressing and dreading all the things that I have to do.

(Sometimes I attempt to be all about the bass but usually it’s when I’m listening to a song really loud in the car and then another song comes on and ruins the moment. Yes I’m talking to you Celine Dion.)

My brain is getting to that busy/full stage where if it was a computer it would say that I had reached my download limit or that there wasn’t enough space left in my brain drive to save that thought right now.

I’m not all about that bass but I am all about that chocolate right now. I am finding solace in it’s smooth creamy texture momentarily and then I’m feeling ill for a bit.

I am also all about wishing that all my friends would send me some messages with nice thoughts. I could really do with some kindness.

I am definitely about getting through each day one day at a time. I’m not looking too far ahead. My to do list only includes things for today.

Tomorrow is in the too hard and can’t be bothered worrying about that right now basket.

But in closing I’m all about being okay and saying hi and hoping that you remember that I’m here even when I’m quiet and that you know that I love ya even when you’re quiet.

xoox

Nothing to see here…

I was walking around the city this morning. A rare treat during the week.

I looked at expensive handbags, touched beautifully tailored pants and went to an extremely pretentious (aka wankish) coffee shop where there are chairs on the roof.

I also walked past the largest department store which is famed for it’s Christmas windows.

But it’s too soon for that just yet. Today in front of the windows a homeless man was sleeping.

It was 10:30 in the morning and lots of tourists were looking at him but also not knowing where to look.

I initially was happy that he hadn’t been moved on by security. That he wasn’t viewed as a blight on the landscape and something to be ashamed of. He was allowed to sleep in peace, sort of.

But then a street sweeper cleaner thingy came up behind him and went around him.

Again I was glad that he wasn’t prodded and told to get out of the way.

But I also thought that in some ways just cleaning around him and pretending he was some other fixed or inanimate object was worse.

I don’t know. I don’t know if it’s good that we don’t try to hide the problem of homelessness of if we are just hiding it in plain view.

He was someone that we all saw but he was also invisible.