I am a people pleaser.
And probably not in the good way.
More of a “please let me inconvenience myself to the point of exhaustion to show you how much I can help you” way.
I want so much to make everyone okay.
To fix them.
To prove how much I like them and value them.
The thought of letting someone down fills me with dread.
I need to be all things to all people.
Except that I actually know that I don’t. Or rather that I can’t.
It’s probably why I spend so much time napping. When I’m asleep I don’t worry as much.
I’m thinking of hiring a photographer to come and take photos of me while I’m sleeping. To see what I look like when I’m relaxed.
But I’d have to warn my family first. Leave a spare key in the red boot. And make sure I’m not dribbling too much.
One of my very dear friends (who is actually one my best friends mum) told me I mustn’t feel guilty about sleeping. That has helped.
I showed her my rash on my tummy today and she said to stop scratching. She is wise.
Mohammed Ali was the Greatest Of All Time. Which means that I don’t need to be.
I will never be GOAT.
I just want to make everything okay for everyone.
I don’t want there to be pain and sadness in the world but there is.
I can’t fix that.
I am not enough.
I should probably stop trying so hard.
And go to sleep instead.
P.S Now I’m worried that this post makes me sound like I think am awesome and that the world can’t turn without my assistance. I know that there are many people who do make a genuine difference to a lot of people and I wish that I could do that while still juggling my life. xo