Yesterday I had a short ride in an ambulance as my chest infection mounted a coup against my body.
I couldn’t stay awake.
I had a nap on the floor on the way back from the bathroom to my bed.
When a friend came over my eyes were fluttering and rolling in a very unsexy manner.
An ambulance was called for and off I went to the local hospital.
The eye rolling thingy was classified as mini seizures and that’s how my hospital visit started.
I was placed in cubicle 1. For those of you who didn’t know 1 is loneliest number.
(2 it has been said can be as bad as 1 but number 1 is still the loneliest.)
I arrived at 2pm and by 7pm I was seen by a doctor.
In the meantime I was adequately cared for by a seriously lovely nurse.
Every time she went into cubicle 2 to attend to the elderly lady there she was asked where she was from.
She was from Hong Kong. The lady in the cubicle had been to Malaysia. So she told the same stories about her time in Malaysia everyone her obs were taken.
If you ever have the time I will tell you the story about Malaysia, or her son in the outback of New South Wales who she didn’t want to worry or the story about her daughter shot down on an Ansett flight.
I know them all.
Back to me.
My blood tests were normal, my heart rate and blood pressure were fine and I scored an A+ on the bed pan test.
But my eyes were still stealing the show.
The doctor (a lovely young lass) did some tests and at 9:30 decided I could go home because I was feeling much better.
My husband arrived to pick me up and the doctor has been over ruled by people who I never met and it’s decided I should be admitted to the Neurology ward.
I agreed to stay but it was all a sneaky ruse.
I was transferred to another bed in the emergency department while waiting to go up to the ward.
Except nobody came to admit me so I stayed there all night.
I fell asleep around 2am and was woken for a chest x-Ray at 3:30am.
I saw someone from the Neurology team around 8:30am and was home in bed with pastries and donuts from the really yummy bakery at 10am.
So here’s what I learned:
– Sometimes when they call a Code Grey it means that there’s a naked man running around the Emergency Department and they need security.
– Sometimes people who weren’t do anything wrong at home except arguing with their mum get capsicum sprayed by Police when they resist arrest and end up opposite patients with chest infections at 11:35pm.
– In an attempt to ignore the crazed man in full restraints the two police officers spoke at length about DIY crafts including shells, small canvases and craft glue from $2 shops.
– They have special heaters just for blankets. I wondered what would happen if I filled it with hot jam donuts.
– They still make egg sandwiches. I have still never eaten one.
– The staff work terribly hard under fairly crappy (often literally) conditions with grace and humour.
But my favourite part was when the first nurse went to get me a drink of water and apologised because the ice machine had become violent.
As if we don’t all have enough on our plates without ice machines turning violent.