My husband was home for 30 hours this weekend and now he has gone away again.
I’m back to parenting on my own while still not feeling 100% and with a huge to do list for work tomorrow plus educating 26 (possibly 27 if I get a new one tomorrow) darling children.
The school clothes are laid out ready and the lunch boxes are semi packed.
I’m as ready as I can be because it’s all I can do.
Tonight I still have to get the boys to shower, brush their teeth and go to bed and hopefully have an uninterrupted nights sleep.
Maybe my youngest will stay in his own bed and not wake up angry in the morning. Maybe but probably not.
I’m too tired to fight them so I give in and let them get away with too much.
It’s survival mode.
But it’s always survival mode.
My husband is away a lot and I tend to take the path of least resistance while he’s away but he’s away so often that it becomes the norm.
I said this to a friend the other day. I’m in survival mode all the time.
And she said to me that we all are.
We’re all trying to get through this hour or this day or this week.
We’re all trying our best but not always achieving what we’d like.
And maybe that’s what life is.
Maybe life is just getting through this next bit.
I remember when I was breast feeding and it seemed like my life would start again when I stopped.
And when the kids got out of nappies.
And started school.
And it just keeps going doesn’t it?
Yesterday I had a 90 minute massage and it was amazing.
90 minutes for me where I wasn’t worried about anything except my side boobs while lying on my tummy.
The lady wrapped me up in lots of towels. Like a cocoon. Like a safe place.
There were essential oils and possibly some non essential oils too.
It was a different type of survival mode. It was looking after me time. It was sanity in its most naked (except for undies) form.
It gave me a boost to survive this week. To get though a week where I have to care for so many people without getting a real lot in return.
Breathe in and breathe out.
I can outwit, outlast and outplay this week.