#shyfail…

I don’t know if I’ve told you this before but I often (and I mean daily) have the urge to retweet traffic information that is not relevant to me or anyone I know.

Just the thought of it makes me laugh. Like I’m a cutting edge ironic tweeter of things that are irrelevant.

This is the way my brain works.

It’s not always normal.

Although according to some of the people I’ve met while I was a patient at a Mental Health Hospital, normal is just a cycle on the washing machine.

Today I attended a professional development session on mathematics in preschools.

I won snakes and ladders and the chocolate muffins were the most amazing things ever. They had heaps of chocolate in them and cut up chocolate brownie on top.

Anyway I thought that today I might have a go at being shy.

By the end of the course I was apologising to everyone about talking so much and making it all about me.

#shyfail

Give me a silence and I will fill it. In fact I will fill it for so long it will go into the next silence, which is soooooo much more awkward than the first one.

I have the strongest urge to make other people feel comfortable. To make them feel better.

But as I’ve said before lately I end up feeling like a fool after putting myself out there and saying too much.

So it’s just a little bit easier to stay away from people for my own sake.

I need to work out who I am and how to stop being so much of that person all the time because it’s exhausting.

I’m so tired when I get home from a day of being happy around 4 year olds and being calm when I sometimes just really want to scream.

I’m tired of my colleagues not reading my mind. How dare they?

I’ve got a history of burning out in Term 4. Sometime around late October and early November the house of cards doesn’t just fall down it goes down in flames with me making ridiculous small talk to the fireman as he saves me from the burning deck.

But… I only work 3 days so it’s now officially my weekend.

And I can hide and sleep. Which is kind of like hide and seek except that I get really annoyed when people wake me up.

Good night. xx

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