Mine’s better than yours…

Peer pressure used to be about taking drugs but now it seems to be about having a nice table setting.

Or not.

I don’t know but there seems to be this pressure to live the perfect life.

Have beautiful neutral tones for your kids bedrooms.

My second son slept behind a curtain in the hallway until he was 3. We obviously felt peer pressure to raise our son like Harry Potter.

Children’s cakes need to be made perfectly and preferably by a professional as this demonstrates how much you love your child and how much you can spend on cake.

(But seriously I love cake and wanna buy a big one for no reason.)

If you buy anything from a luxury store you must immediately post in every type of social media that you have. Your friends should post comments telling you that they’re jealous and that they hate you.

All right so I’m being facetious and cynical and sarcastic all at once now.

Yes I know you’re jealous of my ability to do all 3 at once.

But why do we want to make others jealous?

Is that the aim?

Or is it just sharing the things that we’re proud of and that make us happy?

I don’t know.

But it’s hard work keeping up with the Jones’s let alone the Kardashians.

I don’t know.

I want to be more about the moments and less about the things.

I want to smile because I’m happy not because I bought something.

I want to instagram the empty plate instead of the full one.

I don’t want you to feel left out.

No fomo here.

I don’t want you to judge me I want you to join me.

I don’t want to out do you or one up you.

I just want to be real.

Wanna join me? xx

Last week, this week and next week…

Dear Universe,

I’m a little bit busy at the moment so I’m not sure if I want you to slow down so that I can fit everything into the day that I need to get done or speed up so that it’s all over.

Last week, this week and next week probably won’t kill me but that won’t stop me whinging to anyone who will listen. Which actually is just my kids because my husband was away last week, this week and next week.

Thankfully my kids have developed a rare kind of hearing selectivity based around only listening to conversations that are related to Pokémon and therefore my whinging has left them unscarred.

(Please bring me all your chocolate.)

I am having the kind of days at work at the moment where for every job I get done I have two more new ones pop up.

(Please send me all your chocolate.)

Today I got head butted by a cow. It hurt but apparently Choco just wanted me to scratch her face.

(Chocolate here, now.)

I had a meeting with a 3 teachers from the local school about a special needs child while supervising 25 four year old children patting chickens and rabbits.

(Put the chocolate in my mouth.)

I’m organising an AGM for next Tuesday evening and hoping that of the 66 families invited there may be someone willing to help out on the committee next year.

(It doesn’t need to be good chocolate, just chocolate flavoured.)

Today I had to let a staff member know that there won’t be a position for them next year, had to let my boss know that her phone bill is too high and had to determine what to do with the butter that wasn’t Halal.

(Chocolate coated nuts would even be acceptable at this stage.)

But for now I’m going to try and wrangle my two darling sons into bed and watch some Netflix.

(There may or may not have been some subliminal messages sent to you through this post.)

So in conclusion Universe I know that you are busy at the moment with the election and everything but please look after me and my chocolate needs.

Good night. xx