Well hello friends of the blog and Happy New Year to
Despite the cheerful welcome let me assure you that this friendly post is not coming to you from Texas but in fact from Bali, Indonesia.
Let me now regale you with some tales from my week here in this ridiculously humid land.
For those of you who don’t know the Balinese people are kind, gentle and peaceful souls who have dedicated their life to trying to sell me a wooden dolphin.
Okay. Slight exaggeration. Not all Balinese. In fact mainly just the guy outside our hotel in Lovina.
Every time I would venture out to drop off some laundry (seriously having someone else do your laundry is amazing, oh wait that already happens for the rest of my family) this man would appear to tempt me with his wooden dolphin. (Thankfully not a euphemism.)
Me being the polite and docile type that I am returned his greeting to see his wooden dolphin (still not a euphemism) with a kind “no thank you”.
To which the now slightly aggressive gentleman replies “Why not? Why don’t you want to see my wooden dolphin?”
I walk close to him and I gently explain that I have made a choice in 2017 to be less about things and more about experiences and I further explain that I don’t need clutter in my life.
He looks at me like I’m nuts so I casually pay far too much for a pair of pants that I will never wear from the lady standing next to him to prove my point.
He then says “where’s your husband? He said he wanted to see my dolphin”.
I turn to him and tell him calmly that even if my husband had wanted to see his dolphins I would not be letting him buy any dolphins because I was worried about wooden objects being allowed back into the country because of insects.
But by then the moment between us was over. He thought he had me at hello but I was saying goodbye at bright pink MC Hammer style pants.
Ah Bali your serenity is so thick that I’m choking on it.
A few days later we were driven by a man who had become our designated driver not because I was drunk just because I found it hard enough to cross the road without being hit by a motorcycle let alone drive a car in Bali.
Anyway our lovely driver who has now been wear a t-shirt that says “SEX INSTRUCTOR – first lesson free” for 3 days in a row takes us to a waterfall which you can slide down.
It’s all good until I realise that I’m extremely unfit and my left leg had gone to jelly from the steepness of the stairs so I keep stopping and trying not to gasp for breath as I instruct my family to look at the view.
We get to the waterfall and my two sons aged 7 & 9 (although people keep asking me if they’re twins to which I reply no the 7 year old is just large) go and slide down the rocks with no fear.
My kids are braver than me. That’s okay.
Then one of the young tour guides who just bounces up the steps and says to me “it’s okay I like slow people” while he’s waiting for me to catch my breath/look at the view says “if you never go you’ll never know”.
To which I reply that I’m okay with not knowing. I know other stuff I tell him.
I didn’t tell him what sort of stuff I know because it might have scared him if I told him that I know what it’s like to be an inpatient at a mental health hospital.
I didn’t tell him that I’ve donated my eggs to a stranger that I picked on the internet.
I didn’t tell him that sometimes I have these weird twitches aka glitches and that I spent a few hours spasming uncontrollably on the deck at a friends house the week before with my eyes rolling back inside my head.
I didn’t tell him that sliding down a 15m rock water slide is not knowing all that much really.
That there is knowing and then there is knowing.
And that sometimes knowing is exhausting and tiring which mean the same thing but the fact that I’ve used two variations of the same word really emphasises just how pooped I am.
This year I want to know less.
No that’s not right but I would dearly love to spend less time being the designated knower of my family.
The person who knows what events are happening, what’s for dinner next Tuesday (same as every Tuesday actually Tacos) and how to get the beautiful 7 year old to calm down when he’s upset.
I do want to know what it’s like to breathe deeper and be less in control of the universe and more in control of my thoughts.
I want less wooden dolphins (possibly a euphemism) and less being told why I should jump off a cliff just because everyone else is and I’ll regret it if I don’t.
So there we have it folks, the first incredibly insightful, uplifting and self indulgent post for 2017.
There’s sure to be much more what that came from.