Where’s your head at?


*From Cathy Kelly’s book of short stories called Christmas Magic.*

Sometimes I don’t have anything to write about on this blog. Usually it’s the times when my head is at it’s most full and I’m so busy having conversations with myself that I don’t know how to write.

But then I read this start to a short story and exhaled hard.

Do you check inside your head when you wake up? Do you look to see what’s hiding in the corners?

There have been times that I have felt like this. But now I don’t and I’m so glad but I still have a feel around in my head each morning.

For the past week or so I’ve been having trouble getting to sleep. I’ve had so much running around in my head that all I can do is admit to myself that I can’t fix it, have a little cry and fall asleep exhausted.

But strangely enough *NOT* when I wake up the thoughts are still hounding me. What did I do wrong? What should I do better? Why do I care? Why don’t you?

And then after that comes these…

-Is it bin night?
-Is it library day?
-What are we having for dinner?
-Have I got enough coffee beans?
-Is it a hair washing day?
-How many hours sleep did I have?
-Can I press snooze again?
-How many hours until I can go to sleep again?

The list changes daily as do the answers but it’s kind of like starting up a computer that hasn’t been shut down properly the night before.

It takes time to check that things are okay. That I’m okay. Even when I’m not. But I am.

This is one very disjointed post and I apologise for that. I’m just going to go back to sleep now.