I’ve not blogged for a long time now.
I’ve not wanted to be heard and replied to. Does that make sense? Social media feels like you’re putting something out there because you want to be heard and acknowledged and sometime I just want to be really quiet and ignored.
Usually when I’m quiet and trying to be ignored I get upset that people are ignoring me but that’s another story. Us humans are a complicated bunch.
A few months ago I went on a big trip overseas with my husband and two sons. I shared lots of pics on Instagram and a few update posts on Facebook.
Which was lovely and of course a great way to share things with family and friends.
Except that when I got back people kept telling me that they liked what I wrote and wanted to talk about swivel chairs and husky rides and The Blue Lagoon in Iceland and I didn’t really want to talk about it anymore.
I know I can be rather funny when I want to be but sometimes my brain doesn’t want to be funny it wants to be alone.
I follow some lovely people on social media and I’ve even reached out and contacted some when I think of them in my real life.
I like reaching out and looking after others. I’m a little uncomfortable when it happens the other way. Perhaps I’m worried that I won’t be able to return the favour or do enough to say thanks. (Deleted the bit where I was worried that I wasn’t worth it.)
I’ve got a new friend at my preschool. A grandma who seeks me out and hugs me and calls me her princess in such a way that you have to believe her. I was invited to her home on Tuesday and she sat next to me on the couch practically force feeding me three different types of baklava, pistachios, Turkish coffee and sparkling water. All while holding my hand and looking at me. Who knew that sometimes you just need the love of an Albanian grandmother to put things right?
She told me she loves me many times. She told me to come back with my husband and my boys. She told me to come again. To eat more. To sleep if I wanted to. She checked several times if I needed to go to the toilet before driving home. I didn’t.
Love, kindness, compassion, friendship and all the other good things are out there in the world. They’re in people that you do know, the people that you don’t know and the people that you might not have time for.
Life is lonely sometimes. Especially when you’re surrounded by people asking you to do things and expecting you to deliver. Look for the people who are grateful when you help them.
And help yourself too.
Right O! Obviously I’m channeling Oprah circa 1998.
But hey I just finally felt ready to say hello and not be scared of a reply.